I am amazed by the love of God. Today, while traveling in the maxi taxi to work, the tears flowed uncontrollably as the passengers looked on as if something was a bit off with me. But when I think of the goodness of God and HIS love, that experience can NEVER be felt with man. I literally broke down, not because I am grieving over past hurts and stuff, but God delivered me.
I remember when I thought I was so far off and God wouldn't want anything to do with me; so much that the fear of death haunted me for a very long time. The struggles are sure and so too are the VICTORIES in Christ Jesus. I served as a youth leader at the church I fellowshipped at in my teenage years and battled with fornication for a LONG TIME. I always felt ashamed because I thought I was the only person dealing with it. Moreso, I wasn't just fornicating with one person but a bit promiscuous and the more I tried to stop, the harder it was.
Many times, I would wonder what sense it made attending church when you couldn't reach out to anyone after being hurt by 'church folks'. It was so hard...One thing led to the next; alcohol and drugs became a 'safe place' for me. I remember being close friends to one of the biggest druglord's grandson and I would consider selling drugs to make fast money with the intentions of secretly leaving Trinidad and never returning. If that wasn't enough, I began cutting my hands and desiring to have outrageous tatoos; I hung out in the real dark areas....Slept in some places that if the police passed by, I sure would have been picked up.
The life I lived would have sure ended fatal. My mind wasn't stable and I was a silent killer. When I say that, I mean that I would have thought of the most evilous thoughts and be quite contented. Fighting was a part of life for me and I wouldn't stop until there was blood shed. I had a small frame but an atomic bomb on the inside; I was waiting to explode.
I can lament on where I USE to be but I must tell you that the GRACE OF GOD IS SUFFICIENT......God's grace is what kept me that I am ALIVE today and I mean really ALIVE. My dreams are becoming a reality and my gifts are making way for me. There is a scripture that always reminds me that GOD grace is sufficient even when I fall at imes. 2 Corinthians 12:9King James Version (KJV)9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
God's strength was made perfect in my weakness and in my pain. When I experienced the love of God and as I countinously experience it, I know that I am FREE and if it was not for HIS GRACE, I don't know where I would be. I know that HE holds my world in HIS hand and I am convinced that HE loves me. Unconditional love, unlimited love, undying love; He is the reason that I live. I believe HE has forgiven me and by his GRACE I will live. His Grace! HE said is SUFFICIENT: IT IS SO!!!!